The development of emotional intelligence is an extremely important part of a child’s education. It helps toddlers to better understand and properly manage their emotions, to approach and communicate with other people more courageously, to understand themselves better, to adapt more easily in a new environment, for example, in kindergarten or school. For a child whose emotional intelligence is developed it is easier to understand his own and those who around him, to be more confident in himself, to solve problems that have arisen and, most importantly, not to be afraid to talk about emotions.
We talked more about emotional intelligence with Agnieška Kasinska providing psychological counseling in Lithuania.
We have no choice as to whether to experience emotions or not, it’s just that sometimes a person denies them, which I could describe as a fight against windmills
When is the best time to start talking to a child about the world of feelings and emotions?
When a child begins to learn to speak, parents automatically insert words such as “laughing”, “sad”, “angry”. The child learns the meaning of the word from the behavior. The wider the vocabulary of naming emotions is used by parents, the more different shades of emotions the child learns.
Is it bad to suppress the emotions and feelings of the child?
A person experiences various emotions and feelings and they are all necessary, whether it is joy or fear. Each of them has its own function, for example, to relax the body or, quite vice versa, to prepare for defense. The emotions and feelings of the child cannot be suppressed, they must be allowed, but to teach to manage is absolutely necessary if the child’s behavior is destructive.
Is it important in childhood to be able to manage emotions? Or maybe let them express themselves naturally?
The scheme is as follows: first of all, we experience emotions; secondly, we become aware of what we are feeling; thirdly, we are heading in the right direction. Parents help the child to name the feeling, i.e. to understand what he feels. The next step is to help deal with that feeling.
How can parents help children to express emotions constructively?
In young age, parents automatically calm the child by cuddling, hugging, taking him on the lap. It works perfectly, because the touch of a loved one stimulates the brain to secrete the hormone oxytocin of happiness, sometimes also called the love hormone, which causes the child to calm down. Also, touches affect an adult. When the child calms down it is possible to begin to educate, explain, teach. Older children can already begin to be taught all sorts of relaxation, calming techniques. My favorite is called “like a noodle”: sit comfortably on the chair and stretch out like a cooked noodle.
How to teach a child to express his emotions when playing?
Games in which the child performs different roles are very suitable – this is a convenient way to teach empathy and expand the vocabulary of emotions. For example, the situation of shopping is reproduced, when the child plays the role of the mother, and the mother – the role of the child, or the child performs both. Then it is possible to invite the child to play a situation that repeats itself in the family, when he is in the role of one of the parents. This is how the child begins to understand what the other person can feel, while playing he can tell how he can help himself to cope with too strong reactions.
It is not uncommon for parents to be growen up in an emotionally poor environment, hiding their feelings and not talikng about them. Where should parents begin to change so the kid can have an example?
The most natural training takes place through an example. An emotionally poor environment certainly leaves a deep seal. It is very difficult for such people to understand and recognize not only the emotions of others, but also their own. While proving the online therapy in Lithuania, from personal psychotherapist practise, my clients experiencing this problem often logically understand what they should feel in a particular situation, but do not realize how that emotion is felt. In such cases these small steps should be done, as, for example, while taking a shower they deliberately change the temperature of the water and ask themselves what sensations the it causes, what is pleasant, and what causes discomfort. When talking with children, parents should try to name feelings, for example: “I am sad because there is a mess in the room”, “I am angry when I am interrupted”.
Summerizing, all emotions are important. And it is even more important to teach children to understand and properly express them. We don’t have a choice whether to go through emotions or not— just sometimes a person denies them, which I could describe as a fight against windmills. What we can do is after acceptation what we feel, decide where to direct that energy. Looking for relaxation or unloading it, for example, while playing sports, screaming out into a pillow, getting out, or just being with that feeling, reminding yourself that it is temporary.
Family therapist Agnieska Kasinska