“After falling in love, the next step is learning to love together with your partner”
Why it is everything ideal in a couple at the very beginning of friendship?
A person is an egocentric being. We look at the world through our own lens and sometimes we become so self-important that after saying a certain phrase we think for a few days how it could have sounded, but in fact everyone has long forgotten it. What do I mean by that? – couples psychologist, Agnieška Kašinska.
It is precisely the fact that when we are overcome by the euphoria of falling in love, we completely forget about ourselves, our needs, we want to sacrifice ourselves completely for the object of love, we are ready for anything, simply “altruistic”.
Can this continue forever? Where has the true nature of man gone?
Oh, everything was blocked by hormones that are released in the human body, when the feeling of falling in love floods, the same hormones also block logical thinking. The partner seems ideal, without any flaws, you could move mountains for him, it doesn’t matter that friends or other relatives warn about something, my situation always seems exceptional.
The question is, why is this necessary? – in order for a person to turn on the instinct of reproduction, says psychologist Agnieška Kašinska in Vilnius. At the same time, this is the answer to why it is unrealistic for a lifetime, because nature gives about two years for the instinct to be realized, and after that those hormones stop being produced. You have probably heard the saying that love lasts two years. But I have to correct it a little, falling in love lasts two years. It is too early to talk about love in this case. After falling in love, we return to reality and begin to demand our natural rights. For example, we begin to show that there are other needs, such as spending time with friends, and not only with a partner. None of us are complete altruists, and we don’t need to be, because in order to give something of ourselves to another person, we must first have something to give. That possession comes from self-love.
Falling in love is something we cannot control and it doesn’t require effort, we just fall in love and often can’t explain why. How often we fall in love at the wrong time and with the wrong person. Meanwhile, love is a conscious act. After falling in love comes the next step, learning to love together with our partner. We desire a conscious choice of a partner, confirmation that he loves me as I am, and not as he imagines me.
Such love requires will and effort, mutual work and a desire to get to know each other.
Relationships psychologist
Agnieška Kašinska