After spending five or more years together, spouses often find themselves in a situation where they see each other as a child’s mother or father, a helper, a friend, and the husband/wife has disappeared somewhere. When this happens, passion also fades. What usually happens is that all attention is diverted to raising children, earning money, practicality, etc.
“If I had known that lighting a candle was such an important little thing, I would have done it with pleasure”
said one of my clients who is divorcing his wife. No one wants or is going to divorce, but this happens in 50% of cases. Unfortunately, the couple is unable to find a better way out.
I advise you to start by changing your attitude towards your partner. How:
- Little things are important. Lighting a candle, buying some kind of pleasant or small, for example, you know that your husband likes these cookies, pamper him.
- Remember what exactly attracted your attention when you met. Why did you choose him/her? What qualities or actions? Remember what kind of feeling it was. Try to reproduce this feeling inside and pay attention to this behavior of your husband/wife, notice it. For example, I was very impressed that at that time the future husband had his own hobbies, it caused a certain feeling of pride of him.
- Quality time together. Relationships left to their own devices will eventually reach the limit of survival. Why do we understand that in order to have a beautiful body, we need to eat healthy, exercise, visit beauty specialists, but when we talk about relationships, everything seems to happen by itself. Relationships require both monetary and emotional and time investments. Pay a nanny to be with the child, and you can spend time on yourself. Divorce will cost more. Re-prioritize, consider what you can give up for a beautiful relationship.
- A child cannot find themselves between parents. Then some partner will feel unnecessary, most often it is a man. A child has two main needs, parents who love each other and unconditional parents love to him. If you have to choose between what the child wants and what the partner wants, the partner is unequivocally chosen, because this way one of the child’s basic needs is satisfied, the love between the parents. This is not selfish, as society often forces on us, this is a recipe for good relationships.
- Speaking of women – “let your man be your knight” – let him pamper you, let him make an effort. Of course, reinforce such actions, praise, show your joy. The way you were happy when you were just friends. This will encourage your man to try even harder.
In summary, the assessment of the situation depends on our attitude. Change your attitude, you will evaluate the situation differently. Change your attitude towards your partner, your assessment and feelings will change. Everything is possible, everything requires effort. Passion begins in our heads.