Narcissism is a character type whose task is to maintain one’s own value through exclusivity, which is usually acquired at the expense of others, says couples psychologist Agnieszka Kašinska.
“Manipulation is often done with words like: ‘What kind of son are you to act like this’ or ‘What an ungrateful daughter you are'”
If you are a partner of a narcissist, you are most likely forced to be the one who constantly admires him, applauds him, follows him as a guide. But your needs and your opinion are not in this relationship. The narcissist manipulates you, but manipulates you very cunningly, as if praising and exalting you. For example: “You are the only person who suits me. Only you can give me everything I need”. Which may sound nice and flatter self-love. But in such words of a narcissist there is a lot of manipulation and selfishness, and you are just a tool in his hands.
Psychologist A. Kašinska claims that her clients during consultations are victims of narcissists, the narcissist himself will never turn to a psychologist, because in his opinion he always acts correctly, best and does not make mistakes. The narcissist does not accept criticism at all, the word “completely” means that the narcissist can react to criticism addressed to him with screams, obscene words, it is usually impossible to talk constructively. Because of this reaction, the partner gets used to giving in and simply “swallowing” the hurt.
If a narcissist is one of your parents, you are probably often reminded that what you have achieved is only thanks to him, that you are incapable of anything yourself and must obey the narcissist’s wishes. His needs come first. Often, you can be manipulated with such words: “What a son you are to behave like this” or “what an ungrateful daughter you are”. Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to please a narcissist, he will always single out, emphasize what is wrong, where you did not act according to his requirements.
In summary, a narcissist does not accept and does not hear criticism, explodes with anger and can lose control. Such a reaction is due to the fact that he compensates for his lack of value, a complete sense of his own insignificance, which he hides very much from others. He will never show this fear to anyone and will not admit it to himself.
For the most part, narcissists believe in their uniqueness, they do not feel like they are lying about their greatness.
If you recognize that there is a narcissistic personality in your close environment, psychologists advise you to set appropriate boundaries for yourself, to the extent that you allow yourself to be influenced. Unfortunately, you cannot change a narcissistic personality, so you are responsible for your own emotional health. If you fail, you feel anxious, have a tendency to self-destruct, anxiety develops into panic attacks, seek help from a psychologist who will help you develop the right skills to protect yourself.
Relationships therapist
Agnieška Kašinska