Narcissists follow different rules than the rest of us. They apply double standards, which means they expect special treatment from them, manifested in privileges and favors, says Julie L. Hall in her book “The Narcissist in Your Life.” Let’s discuss the behavior of narcissists, or rather, what they don’t do. Meanwhile, emotionally stable people do it all the time.
“Narcissists almost never seek help from a psychotherapist; victims of narcissists come to psychotherapy. Narcissism is the only disorder where the treatment is not for patient, but for their victims.”
- Apology
Narcissists never sincerely apologize. They consider themselves superior to others and do not realize that they have done anything wrong. The sense of superiority inherent in narcissists makes them believe that for everything that has happened, lower beings or unfavorable circumstances are to blame, even (especially) they themselves are responsible for it. Family psychologist, Agnieška Kašinska, adds that narcissists almost never seek help from a psychotherapist, the victims of narcissism come to psychotherapy, as they say, this is the only disorder where the treatment is not the patient, but his victims.
- Acceptance of responsibility
Although narcissists tend to be dominant, they do not take responsibility. Any responsibility causes narcissists to fear that they may be criticized, and they are very afraid of criticism, so they learn to perfectly shift responsibility to others or simply to the situation.
- Self-Reflection
For narcissists, self-reflection is dangerous territory and should be avoided at all costs, as it embodies unbearable vulnerability and requires emotional strength that they do not possess. Their task is to hide their inferiority complex as best they can.
- Forgiveness
For the same reasons why narcissists do not apologize, they also never forgive. All people represent a threat of defeat to them, so they are very afraid of a perceived attack. Life for a narcissist is a battleground.
- Selfless Actions
Selflessness and altruism are the opposites of narcissism. Because they lack empathy, they do not understand what selfless actions are, nor do they appreciate the actions of other people.
- Expressing True Feelings
Narcissists do not understand what they are feeling. They hide their emotions from others and from themselves.
- Emotional Nuances
Although narcissists are great at manipulating people and detecting their weaknesses, they are emotionally insensitive and tend to think in simple black and white terms. They either idealize or devalue people. The wide range of emotions that healthy people, especially empaths, experience every day is alien to narcissists.
- Gratitude
They believe that life owes them something, that they are always lacking something, and that they deserve more. When things are going well for narcissists, they attribute their success to their talent and superiority over others; when things are not going well, they blame external circumstances. They are unfamiliar with gratitude, as they either devalue or idealize everything.
- Appreciation and Recognition
It is as difficult for narcissists to think well of other people as it is to show gratitude. When other people, especially family members, are successful, narcissists usually ignore or belittle their success or try to somehow attribute it to themselves.
Psychologist Agnieška Kašinska shares an example from her clients’ experience: “Edita tastefully decorated the house. When her mother visited, the mother said in front of everyone that her daughter inherited good taste from her mother, which is why she managed to decorate the house beautifully.”
- Recognition of their vulnerability
Narcissists try to appear invulnerable at all costs. A strong sense of insecurity forces them to take a defensive position, so anything that shows their weaknesses poses a threat to them and must be eliminated.
Shared by Relationships Psychologist Agnieška Kašinska, who works with victims of narcissism
Based on the book “The Narcissist in Your Life” by Julie L. Hall